Elliott's 1 Years Old!

Wow, it is amazing that Elliott is already a year old. So many experiences, emotions, accomplishments in such a short span of time. In anticipation of Elliott's first birthday I started to think about everything I had planned for his first year. How his birth was going to go, what his room would look like, what foods he was going to (and not going to) eat, what he was going to wear, and the elusive bedtime routine! haha I would almost go as far to say we were really naive parents. We had not been exposed to all the different aspects of parenthood and how these events shape our perception of the world and people around us.

Over the past year I had thought about Elliott's birth and "what went wrong," why had I failed as a mother and wife. But in searching for the answer for so long, so many hours of reflection I have realize that it was not me who failed. There was a greater purpose for how Elliott was brought into this world and I have finally come to terms with myself.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the lord’s purpose that prevails.


The c-section saved my son's life and because of it we have been able to celebrate his first birthday, I have to quit being so hard on myself. This was also reaffirmed with Elliott's one year check up appointment. It turns out Elliott has "Macrocephaly" which translates to Big Head (insert funny joke about Kevin here). But what he told me was that it was a good thing that he was not born vaginally because he could have severely damaged some blood vessels in his big noggin. So all this while I was thinking myself as failing to provide the entrance to this world Elliott deserved, when in fact that could have completely disabled him! Now, this condition isn't going to hurt him, nor does it mean that he is developmentally slow, its a psychical characteristic just like any other. Simply think of it as if he had long legs or a short torso. I just did not know the Lord's purpose for having me endure such a traumatizing birth, but it turns out the ole man up there knows what he is doing and I should trust that everything has a purpose. Even if that means "its not part of my plan."

With this new understanding it seems like I have turned a new page in my parenthood journal. Like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am genuinely happy with how things have turned out, which is a big step for me to say. While staying at home with Elliott has been amazing and I love him more than life itself (which I never understood why parents always said that, but you know... its completely true) I have always struggled with myself and that seems to cast a shadow over enjoying life. Even the hard parts.

I read the book by Kate Gosselin (Jon and Kate Plus 8) to help me find some inspiration about motherhood. One of the most profound things she wrote was that she didn't just want to survive her life, but THRIVE in it. And I really took that to heart and I feel like the past year I was just trying to survive it, just make it through. 2009 will be different for me and my family... we are going to thrive!

Kevin and I had an amazing time in Ireland... a much needed break from our mundane "survival mode" and just enjoy being around family. It's like we came back with a new vigor and hopefully this means we've got this parenting thing down (kinda haha I don't think you can ever have it totally down). Perhaps we can start to look forward and start thinking about more children. =)

Parenting has been an amazing journey for Kevin and I, not just as a couple but as individuals. We have learned so much about ourselves and our marriage, it has really brought us closer than ever. We feel that having a child has bonded us in a way only a child can and more children are definitely in our future. We want to be able to share our relationship with our kids. Just the thought of another baby in the house puts a big smile on my face! But we will see because obviously whatever happens is because of a greater purpose and I can't control every aspect of my life no matter how Type A I am haha

So here are some of Elliott's digits! [which may I add are NOT adjusted for his prematurity!!!! w00t]

Weight- 23.6 lbs (60th percentile)
Height- 30in. (50th percentile)
Head Circumference- all I know is 95th percentile!!!!